20 Things I Learned in My 20s- Part Three

Three days in and I’ve learned a few things.

  1. I really need to get better a advance writing and scheduling posting. This coming home from work/dinner/gym/yoga deal is a bit exhausting.
  2. I’ve really enjoyed doing the retrospection. Even though I’m sure some of this doesn’t make complete sense or is a bit jumbled, I’m pleased with my points and I hope that you’re enjoying them as well.
  3. I think this has also jump-started my motivation to get back into my regular writing. Yay!

Back to it now.

You will always compare yourself to others. Just don’t lose sight of yourself.

Even now at 29, this is something I continue to struggle with. And the comparison has more to do than just body image. Whether it’s face to face or from behind a computer screen, when you interact with people, who are always subconsciously making comparisons. You compare lifestyles, success levels, interests, whatever it may be. It’s not a fault, its human nature. And sometimes you can use this as motivation- like looking at the coworker who just a got a promotion over you and saying what can I do better so I don’t miss the next opportunity. But when the comparison because tangible, and begins to alter what you do and how you act, that is when it becomes detrimental. I’ve said before that I really came onto the fandom scene late; from there my personal interest in how I wanted to participate in fandom developed. I knew I could never have a fan account, but I knew that I loved to write, so I started a blog. As I looked into the blogging community, I began comparing myself to other bloggers, trying to figure out how I too could make a name for myself (laughable, I know). It wasn’t long before I lost my voice, that I became disheartened to the point that I didn’t write for months. I became so consumed in being like everyone else that I lost “me”. I forgot the reason why I started a blog in the first place- to share my thoughts and express my passion for the things that I love. I know my blog lacks finesse and possibly even interesting content, but the point is that I’m doing what I want to do. I will still look to other bloggers- to read their writing, to get tips, to make myself better. But never again will I stray from my objective. And if no one reads my blog, oh well (oh god, please someone read this!), at least I have stayed true to myself. And in a worse where that can be increasingly hard to do, I’m pretty damn proud of it.

When you find a person who will do stuff with you because they know you like it (even though they don’t), treasure them.

As an introvert I like doing stuff by myself, whether it be attending a con, going to the movies, shopping, whatever. But even as much as I enjoy that, it can be said that sometimes events are more fun when you have someone to enjoy it with. If you’re lucky, you might have a person in your life who shares an excitement and passion over the same interests as do you. Honestly, I’m a bit jealous; through a combination of varied reasons, I’ve not yet been able to find that person. But that’s okay, because what I do have is a best friend who will do things with me all in the sake of friendship, because she knows it brings me joy. Not to say that we don’t have anything in common, but when it comes to the stuff we love (or in my case, obsess about), there are few overlapping areas. But she is my person, she would do anything for me and I the same for her. And because of that, she finds herself in situations that she would otherwise have nothing to do with. And that is so incredibly amazing. She got minimal enjoyment out of the renaissance faire, but she attended because she knew I wanted to go but not alone. She’s not a fan of British TV or movies (for the most part) but she’ll always watch them when it’s my turn to choose the binge-watching material. It can be easy to take her for granted, to slip into the mindset of ‘she’s my friend, she’s supposed to do that.’ But that is absolutely not the case. She can say no at any time. Because time and again, from small to big, my best friend will suffer through to make me happy, and I will do my best to show her how much I cherish her and her friendship. So if you have someone- a friend, boyfriend, sibling, or even a parent- who does the same for you, be sure to tell them thank you. Tell them how much you appreciate their time and energy. Do something they love that you don’t care for! Because you should want to see the smile on their face just as much as they like to see the one on yours.

Know your limits. Know when to respect them, know when to smash them.

The ways in which this is applicable are almost infinite. Limits are placed on us in almost every aspect our lives; some limits are external while others are internal, ones that we have placed on ourselves for one reason or another. These internal limits are often a result of our comfort zone. We hold ourselves back from doing things that scare us, things that may garner critical attention, things that we’ve been told we can’t do or that aren’t appropriate. Granted, some of these limits are practical, they serve an actual purpose. But others, well, not so much. “I’m too big to run a 5k,” no you’re not. “You’re too old to put crazy color in your hair,” watch me. “Act more your age,” no thank you. “I’ll never be able to afford that,” yes you can. Once we stop hiding behind our perceived limitations and start exploring our power, we’ll find ourselves doing things we may have only dreamed of. You may fall short, you may fail; or you may succeed and achieve new heights. Either way, you tested your limits, you tried, you learned something. And through this you will grow as a person, and from that you are able to reach your true potential. And isn’t that what life is all about, living and being the best that we can be, in everything that we do?

Know when to argue, know when to move on.

I love a good debate. I love a good conversation with multiple viewpoints. Plainly put, I like to argue. Hell, my sister will attest that even when I know I’m wrong, I still argue with her just for the sake of arguing. I like to argue not because I think I’m always right (BUT….jk!!) but because I find it stimulating. But there is an art to argument. By no means am I a master debater, nor will I attest to what should and shouldn’t be argued. But I have found that some people don’t know the difference between fighting the good fight versus moving along to more worthy causes. If someone is unwilling to even listen to or consider what you are saying, move on! Talking to that person will be like talking to a brick wall. It doesn’t matter how many valid and proven facts you send their way, it doesn’t whether you try to appeal to their humanity, there is nothing short of an act of God that will get them to back down and say ‘huh, maybe I am looking at this the wrong way.’ I am believer in the force of energy, both within ourselves and in the universe. From that, I believe in saving and spending energy on causes based on their worthiness or unworthiness. Maybe this all has to do with my personality and my values, but in this politically charged social media era, I do think it’s something people should take into consideration.

I’m going to try and get another post up tomorrow, but it’s my birthday dinner with my family and we’re also having a bonfire. If I suck and don’t get it up, you’ll get a wham bam thank you ma’am of a finale post on Friday.

As always, leave a comment and share your thoughts or own personal insights. Until next time!

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